Cold

60 above zero:
Arizonians turn on the heat.
People in Iowa plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Cedar Rapids sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Iowa drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Des Moines gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Iowa throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Iowa have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0
People in Miami all die.
Iowans close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Iowa get out their winter
coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Iowa are selling cookies door to door. (True!)

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Iowa let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Iowa get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Iowa start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Iowa public schools will open 2 hours late.