My breasts are stupid...

...Actually, my doctor called them "dense." But I think she was just being politically correct.

For those of you coming late to the game, I had my first mammogram last week and was called less than a day later to come back in for "further diagnostic testing." After more fondling than I've gotten from all previous boyfriends and lovers put together, it's been determined that the nation's threat level can go back down to orange. Nothing to see here, folks...move along.

There was a small cyst on my right side which became transparent under further compression, and there are microscopic calcifications throughout both breasts. All of this is indicative of fibro-cystic breasts. Which is fairly normal and nothing to worry about. I don't need any further diagnostic testing. There will be no biopsy or other surgery, and my breasts will require no further attention this year (at least not medically!)

The doctor did say that, compared to women with "normal" breast tissue, women with fibro-cystic breasts are four times more likely to develop breast cancer over their lifetimes. Bummer, but not as bad as it could be since no one in my family has ever had breast or ovarian cancer. Still, the doctor was very clear that I must have a mammogram done once a year, every year, for the rest of my life.

So no matter what happens in my personal life I can count on being extensively felt up annually.

I'm cool with that.